I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
