I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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