You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
