evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
