bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
