I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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