When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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