She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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