if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
