you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
A bitchslap is in order.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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