38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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