i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
