my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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