he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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