you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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