Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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