she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize