Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
