Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
