Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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