I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
