Will you blow on my dice?
I wish my penis had an off switch
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
