youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
They should really pass out barf bags in church
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
