it's not cheating when I paid for it
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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