If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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