True but thats because hes a fetus.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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