Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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