We're facebook friends in real life
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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