ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
