just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
