Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
