I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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