My nipple is on Facebook.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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