I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
