it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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