So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
