I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
