In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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