Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
