The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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