she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm like, not good at living.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
