you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
