is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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