I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
