I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
