he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
