Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
