I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
