Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
