I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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