if you like me you must not know who I am
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
