It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
