Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
