TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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