I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
