Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
