I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Its about making memories worth repressing
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
