You're my little dorito
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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