you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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