It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
