he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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