And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
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I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize