i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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