Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I smell stomach acid.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
