I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
