i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
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he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
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i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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