He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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