you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
