the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
