what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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