i used baking grease as lip gloss
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
