Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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