That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
