drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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