He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
