I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
