I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
