I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
