Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
